The Magic of Christmas (Seven ½ months post transplant)

This time last weekend, Paul had taken his last two vacation days of the year (the rest having been spent taking care of me in the hospital or taking me to doctor appointments or ER trips) to take me to the country with the hopes that the miracle healing that God often does in the quiet places of His world would find it’s way into my heart and mind.  While I always enjoy being up there, it didn’t seem to be working.

The meds the psych doctor had prescribed had left me worse than I was to begin with.  (They all react differently on different people.  Not so well on me.)  I was sick to my stomach, crying, tired, mopey, seemingly more depressed than before the pill.  By Sunday we decided to stop the pill.  The nausea resided after a while, and we decided to pack up and go home a day early.  The country therapy didn’t seem to be working.  I know it made Paul sad, and it made me sad too.  He tries so hard to make life good for me.

So Monday we decided to finish all the Christmas errands since I had doctor appointments the rest of the week.  We spent the whole day together in and out of stores, talking, and just being together.  We realized half way through the day that I wasn’t the same sad little girl that he’d been living with the past few months.  I felt almost back to normal.  It was like the fog had lifted.   My mind felt clearer than it had in months.  We had no idea what to attribute it to.  Four days with my sweetheart?  Had the Zoloft helped behind the scenes while I was enduring the horrible side effects?  Will I be this way tomorrow when Paul goes back to work?

Well, today is Saturday and I can enthusiastically say that I have made it all week.  I still have to talk myself through certain things and tell myself what we’re going to do today!   But the progress has been remarkable.  And it helped hearing from the oncology psych doctor that the timing of my depression was completely normal compared to other transplant patients.  Doesn’t make it any easier.  But it does make me feel less alone and weird.  The encouragement continues to stand…you must let the healing continue.  Once you get to your one year anniversary, things will start to turn around.

Maybe Santa came early.  But I believe something a little deeper.  I know the prayers that have been prayed for me.  And in this Christmas season as we prepare to honor the coming of a little baby who was not just any baby but God’s only Son, sent to live among us until His time was come to sacrifice Himself so that we might have a way back to God.  A free gift that all we have to do is receive.  Jesus is the Magic of Christmas, and he touched me with a little of it this week.

May God touch you and your family this year with the Magic of Christmas.