April 14, 2015

Some News Takes a Day or So to Process…..

It was a Monday like most every Monday…packed up and ready for my day at MDA.  Though today was slated to be fairly short; just labs and a quick visit with Dr. Shah.   The labs went smoothly this week (I asked for the smaller needles up front).  No bathroom falls!  :)  I even lost a couple pounds.  (Note to self:  no need to pack on extra weight for a T-Cell trial…just a stem cell transplant!) 

When PA Mary and Dr. Shah went over my numbers, they weren’t bad at all.  Many were still a little low; some have inched into the low normal range.  Some were perfect!  This is very encouraging, especially because these were after the neupogen had worn off.  I even got permission to “carefully” see my grandchildren.

Their big concern continues to be this crazy Phantom Itch that I especially get at night.  They have consulted with others and I seem to be unique…of course.  She offered more sleeping pills which I declined, more doctor consults which I also passed on for now.  Paul and I really think that, after reading about all the meds I’m taking, I’m having a reaction to at least one of them.  I’ll survive until they get me off these meds.  If I still have it then, then we’ll see.  As far as the joint pain, it comes and goes, but it’s better than it was.  Hurray for those shots!  Then there’s the fatigue.  Whatever!  That’s what the couch is for!

Then came the drum roll.  I’ve seen this look before.  As much as I love my mother and appreciate her taking me to my appointments, I knew right then that I needed Paul. 

She handed me my Bone Marrow Diagnosis.  For those of you who tire of my techno mumbo jumbo it reads “bla bla bla, bla bla bla….”  SHE STILL HAS RESIDUAL CLL.  The good news is that it has been reduced to the VERY SMALLEST amount.  I couldn’t help but cry then, and honestly and can’t help but cry now.  We were really hoping and praying for remission.

BUT, it’s only been a month.  No one seems to be able to give a definitive answer as to how long the T-Cell fighters stay in there fighting.  If they’re still fighting, then perhaps next month’s bone marrow biopsy may have a different diagnosis.

Or perhaps this is just were God wants us.  Maybe we get just a little too comfortable when I’m in remission.  Perhaps that small percentage of CLL enhances our reliance on Him.  It shouldn’t.  But I’m pretty sure is does. 

In my devotion today, Jesus Calling, it says “At the end of your life-path is an entrance to heaven.  Only I know when you will reach that destination, but I am preparing you for it each step of the way.  The absolute certainty of your heavenly home gives you Peace and Joy, to help you along your journey.  You know that you will reach your home in My perfect timing, not one moment too soon or too late.  Let the hope of heaven encourage you, as you walk along the path of Life with Me.”


This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, 
a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil.”

Hebrews 6:19



2 comments:

  1. Tara,

    I can only imagine how upsetting it was to hear the MRD status, but from what I have read, I would hope that your t-cells will settle in and continue to eliminate the CLL cells. Sending you my love and keeping you in my prayers, Brenda

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  2. That is our prayer. Thank you, Brenda.

    Tamara

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