Results and Questions

This past week, I got the results to my restaging tests. I appreciate all the prayers and wanted to pass along the news. The PET and CT scans were both clear, except for one little spot that supposedly has been there for eight months and isn’t doing anything. The areas under my arms and in my groin area that have been sore are attributed to the inflammation that goes along with the joint issue. My labs look fine. A few things are still a little low, but I’ve been that way for a long time, so no big deal. It just means that I still have a weak immune system. The test that took the longest to get back revealed that my abnormal cells have increased slightly, but they are still in the minimal range. And my donor cells are holding in there at 95%. Whew! So we will continue to watch and wait. Fortunately, my doctor watches very closely!!

While I am very thankful for these results, it is difficult right now to understand…. WHY? Why am I given more time, more weeks, months, maybe even years with my family when others who have walked similar walks are not? I know as a believer that these are not questions that I will find answers to on this side of heaven. I know that God has numbered our days from the beginning.

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me
were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
Psalm 139:16

I walked through the first phase of my cancer journey with a friend who had SLL, a sister cancer. He had the same care, the same belief, the same support, but not the same outcome. Now another dear friend, who we had the privilege of mentoring through his stem cell transplant, is at the end of his fight. It feels like part of me goes with each of them. But God’s Word assures that their days were ordained. Cancer was not in ultimate control.

So what would God have me to do since He’s keeping me here? Well, there are a few things that we’ve thought of. First, I intend to enjoy this sweet man of mine. Second, I hope to spend as much time with these six grandchildren as we possibly can. Third, I would like to keep paying it forward. Paul and I both feel that we have been given this opportunity to share and encourage others in their cancer walk. Every time I’m at MDA, I end up talking to someone who is new to the journey. Maybe it’s time for me to go there for more than just appointments. Maybe I can help answer someone else’s hard questions.

For now, I will say thank you to my Lord, my doctors, my caregiver husband, and my prayer supporters for getting me this far. I can’t say that I understand, but I can say that I’m thankful.


“Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:21-23

"It’s Just Hair” and Another Round of Restaging Tests

You’d think I’d have the hang of this by now. This is not my first rodeo. I know all the right words to tell myself and others going through this. “It’s just hair.” “It’ll grow back.” “It beats the alternative!” But it doesn’t change that feeling you have when you look at yourself in the mirror day after day. It’s hard. That’s all there is to it. I don’t look the way I used to.

For whatever reason, I never lose all my hair like most other cancer/chemo patients. Not to downplay the difficulty of that road, I almost think it would be easier to just get it over with than the months of handfuls of hair falling out, watching it get thinner and thinner. I had a ton of hair to start with, so people don’t notice the results of mine quickly. It took about three months of daily hair loss to finally get to the point where I just couldn’t do anything with it. Plus, I turn another shade of gray with every treatment. ☹ And with both comes a texture change. Still I try to remind myself, “It’s just hair.”

It grew back last time, eventually. I know with reasonable confidence that it will grow back again this time. But even if it doesn’t, I am still alive! I have a friend who is battling GVHD right now, and I’m worried about my hair! That brings it back into perspective! But we all have our own fight, and I am still fighting to get back into remission, which brings me to part two.

Yesterday, I had labs, PET and CT scans. Today I meet with Dr. Shah and then get my bone marrow biopsy to complete my “re-staging.” That means they will see what stage my cancer is and how I’m doing overall. I have been having some pain under my arms, in the lymph area, so they are mildly concerned about that. They continue to be SO diligent in my care. I am incredibly blessed to have this team of doctors by my side.

We are so thankful for your continued prayers on our behalf. We thank God for each day and suck the marrow out of each day He gives us! Cancer changes your perspective. I have met numerous people out and about who comment on how joyful I seem. Life is too short to let the little things rob you of your joy.

Choose joy.


“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”
Romans 15:13