I don’t know why I still get nervous about these treatments. It’s my third go ‘round. I know pretty much what to expect. Of course, every one is a bit different with varying possible outcomes. My tummy gets queasy and uneasy and I get a bit of a headache…probably because of my mind racing for the past several hours!
I lay there in bed last night reminding myself that everything was going to be fine. No matter what. I thought off all sorts of funny things that I was going to write this morning, but I can’t remember now what they were! ☺ All I can think about is what is about to happen to my body, scripture, and my family.
Is it going to work this time? How severe will the GvHD be? Will this be the one to get me back into remission for an extended period of time? Will I get to spend time with my sweetheart much longer? My grandbabies? Kids, family, friends….
I trust that the answer will be YES. But we aren’t guaranteed the answers that we pray for. I am thankful that I have SO many faithful prayer warriors lifting me up before our Father. I am confident that the main reason I am still here after almost six years is because of your steadfast prayers.
So, while “Good Things Come in Three’s” and “Third Time’s a Charm,” there’s also “Three Strikes and You’re Out!” :/ So I guess we won’t base my life on sayings!!
Instead, I will look to our Heavenly Father for His comfort and peace and walk into that familiar building yet another time trusting them and their expertise while trusting my Lord and His mercy and goodness.
Psalm 34
“I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together. I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry; the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned. The Lord redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.”
July 26, 2017
July 22, 2017
Not Always As It Appears
“You look so good!” I’ve heard that a lot these last months…and I appreciate it! I am thankful for the fact that I don’t “look” like I have cancer this time. It’s a little less depressing. But now that I am almost at my six-year mark, I’m way past being depressed. Been there, done that, have the t-shirt. I have learned how to walk this walk, live this life, endure this journey. I am just thankful to still be here!
Yesterday, they (MDA) did my labs before starting my chemo so we could 1) see how the first week of chemo affected my body and 2) have a baseline for comparison purposes for going into the donor lymphocyte infusion (DLI) this coming Wednesday. I was surprised to see how much my white blood count (WBC) had dropped in just one week…4 points! If my counts continue to drop at this rate, by the time I complete all four rounds, I will be severely immunocompromised. Not that this is a surprise by any means, just a confirmation. That is why my beloved caregivers are being extremely conservative with my exposure. They, and the Good Lord, have kept me alive this long. We would like to continue that course!
The other results that came back was my Engraftment (or Chimerism) report. This is the one that talks about the percentage of donor cells to my old cells. This one hit me right up side the head. If there were any doubts or questions left in my mind as to whether or not we were making the right move with this treatment, this report cleared that up. Dr. H. printed out two reports, one from February 2017 and the one from July. The main type of cell that they track regarding my donor count is my T-Cells, which have dropped from 100% (when I was in remission) to the 90-95% range (when I had MRD…minimal residual disease), to 82% in February and 81% in July. The initial drop to 82% was what got our attention. But there was another number that startled me…the mixed chimera in the Total DNA. That number fell from 46% in February (which already sounded pretty low) to 29% in July! Dr. H. said that indicates the growth of the CLL. It is definitely time to get some more donor cells in there and kick some CLL butt!!
The reason I felt so compelled to write about this, other than many of you are very caring and ask detailed questions, is that if I hadn’t already had cancer and a stem cell transplant and was being monitored on a very regular basis, no one would have caught this!! I look fine. And for the most part, I feel fine…comparatively. For a stem cell patient, I feel fine. That’s another story. I am very attuned to my body and the slight variations and differences that occur. I have to be. But for the average person, there would have been no reason to go to the doctor yet. That is why so many people end up with Stage IV cancer before they ever find it! ☹
So what do you do? Know your body. Get your check ups. Eat right. Exercise. Get rid of all the ick in your diet and lifestyle. I know, eat right and die anyway. Well, maybe you won’t die as soon. I am not afraid to die at all. I know where I’m going and with Whom I will be with. But I have a lot more living to do. I come from tough stock! You should have met my grandmother. My Mamie was an amazing woman who taught all of us by example how to love God and family, how to work, how to serve, how to be joyful, and how to never give up. I’d like to make her proud.
“Not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer;
distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.”
Romans 12:11-13
“The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”
Numbers 6:24-26
Yesterday, they (MDA) did my labs before starting my chemo so we could 1) see how the first week of chemo affected my body and 2) have a baseline for comparison purposes for going into the donor lymphocyte infusion (DLI) this coming Wednesday. I was surprised to see how much my white blood count (WBC) had dropped in just one week…4 points! If my counts continue to drop at this rate, by the time I complete all four rounds, I will be severely immunocompromised. Not that this is a surprise by any means, just a confirmation. That is why my beloved caregivers are being extremely conservative with my exposure. They, and the Good Lord, have kept me alive this long. We would like to continue that course!
The other results that came back was my Engraftment (or Chimerism) report. This is the one that talks about the percentage of donor cells to my old cells. This one hit me right up side the head. If there were any doubts or questions left in my mind as to whether or not we were making the right move with this treatment, this report cleared that up. Dr. H. printed out two reports, one from February 2017 and the one from July. The main type of cell that they track regarding my donor count is my T-Cells, which have dropped from 100% (when I was in remission) to the 90-95% range (when I had MRD…minimal residual disease), to 82% in February and 81% in July. The initial drop to 82% was what got our attention. But there was another number that startled me…the mixed chimera in the Total DNA. That number fell from 46% in February (which already sounded pretty low) to 29% in July! Dr. H. said that indicates the growth of the CLL. It is definitely time to get some more donor cells in there and kick some CLL butt!!
The reason I felt so compelled to write about this, other than many of you are very caring and ask detailed questions, is that if I hadn’t already had cancer and a stem cell transplant and was being monitored on a very regular basis, no one would have caught this!! I look fine. And for the most part, I feel fine…comparatively. For a stem cell patient, I feel fine. That’s another story. I am very attuned to my body and the slight variations and differences that occur. I have to be. But for the average person, there would have been no reason to go to the doctor yet. That is why so many people end up with Stage IV cancer before they ever find it! ☹
So what do you do? Know your body. Get your check ups. Eat right. Exercise. Get rid of all the ick in your diet and lifestyle. I know, eat right and die anyway. Well, maybe you won’t die as soon. I am not afraid to die at all. I know where I’m going and with Whom I will be with. But I have a lot more living to do. I come from tough stock! You should have met my grandmother. My Mamie was an amazing woman who taught all of us by example how to love God and family, how to work, how to serve, how to be joyful, and how to never give up. I’d like to make her proud.
“Not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer;
distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.”
Romans 12:11-13
“The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”
Numbers 6:24-26
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