When I was three years old, my parents started me in dance class. Not that I was naturally talented. I think it was because I was a bit of a klutz and they hoped I’d learn some grace. It helped. I still walk as I was taught in class. By the time I was five, I had begun piano lessons. We were a fairly musical family, and my dad really wanted me to excel. By year eight, my folks thought that dance, piano, school and the responsibilities that go with each would be too much for me. Sadly, dance went by the wayside just before I got my toe shoes. Little did they know…I thrive on busy!
As a teen, I was an honor student, held down an office job, was in choir, multiple clubs, and school musicals, staffed at camp, was involved with a youth group at a sister church across town, and had a boyfriend.
As a mom, I worked from home, kept a home, raised kids, kept kids, ran a junior high group, worked outside the home, juggling family, friends, church, work, and all the other things that moms do.
As an empty nester, the busy continued. It’s what I knew. Maybe it’s what I needed.
I’ve always been busy. I like busy. I do busy. I get more accomplished when I’m busy. I could go like crazy for weeks on end, take one day to catch up on sleep, and then be back at it. It’s just the way I’m wired.
Not so much anymore. Now I need a nap. In my head are all the things that I want or need to do. I make my lists. I set my goals. I have my accountability partner. Some days, I manage to get through my list fairly well. Other days, not so much. I struggle with this. It’s not who I am. It’s not what I do. But this tired is a different kind of tired. Not an “I’ve been busy” tired. Just a “Why am I so tired?” tired.
I need to embrace this and realize that it’s only for a season. I just don’t know how long this season will last. I have always felt somewhat “in control.” Silly girl. You were not in control. You were just busy. God has regularly used some sort of weird health issue to get my attention, to slow me down. Thinking about it now, it goes back a lot further than I’ve thought. Bad concussion around 3 or 4. (I was running on slippery pavement.) Chicken Pox at 13, just before my parents’ 25th wedding anniversary. “Why didn’t someone tell me about the party?” Spinal meningitis as a senior. “But rehearsals start next week.” Toxic Shock at 19, two weeks married. (No arguments there. I was down for the count.) Staph infection and surgery at 41. “How long will this take? I have a plane to catch.” Weight loss and stomach disorders throughout my 40’s. “Are you under an inordinate amount of stress?” Bells Palsy at 45. (Highest month in sales, even though I sounded and looked like Bill Murray in Caddy Shack.) Hysterectomy at 46. (Started new job 2 weeks later.) Shingles then CLL at 50. What is it, Lord? Can’t I just get a cold or allergies like everyone else? Slow down, Tamara. Maybe I don’t thrive on busy….
So I guess I’ll slow down. I will take my nap. I will embrace this season. I will think and pray and read. I will listen. I will be quiet. Well, I will be quiet-er. :)
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1
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