We have been SO busy making the most of every moment, taking care of mom, and just trying to keep up with all that is going on with those closest to us that the gravity of what I am about to embark on didn’t really hit me until last night. I have been teasing that I am going on a three-week vacation to MD Anderson! And maybe next time I’ll choose someplace like Cabo!!
The fact of the matter is this is a bigger deal than I may have intimated. And the fact that I “look so good” doesn’t help folks from thinking that I’m really ok and that this is probably not that serious. I have been very fortunate to be able to maintain my non-sickly appearance, but I truly believe it has a great deal to do with attitude. The Lord has been gracious to me and given me the ability to not worry…at least not about this. ☺ Worry doesn’t add a moment to our life…really only takes away.
The part that hit me last night was not being sick from the chemo or whether or not the cells will buy back my remission, it was the fact that I will not get to sleep next to my Paul for three weeks. :/ That is by far the hardest part. It was the first time I have cried about any of this. But I guess it’s a payoff. Hopefully, prayerfully, these three weeks will buy us many more years of time together. So we sacrifice three weeks for three years and hopefully more…lots more!
Yesterday, I was talking with my dear friend about trials and how some folks have a skewed view of them and their purpose in our lives. We have mistakenly thought that trials are given to us to make us stronger, but that often creates a dependence on self rather than the Lord…an “I’ve got this” mentality. Perhaps our trials should drive us to lean more on the Lord, into The Word, into His Arms, under His Wing… time spent with Him, even in our heart, mind, and prayer. When we lean on Him, our confidence and trust is through Him, and that is what makes us stronger.
So as we each walk our own journey, let us lean on our Saviour.
“The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
and with my song I praise him.”