Today is Palm Sunday, but no one is at church…except a handful of leaders who met to livestream music and a sermon for us to watch on YouTube. Why? Because this is 2020…the year of the COVID 19 pandemic. And I thought this warranted being written down and remembered. But what I would like for us to remember is not the people fighting for the last roll of toilet paper or package of beans, it is that God made a promise to us a long time ago…and we need to think on that.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life.” Matt. 6:25-27
For years, people have been curious about my tendency not to worry about my cancer. God has gifted me with the ability to relax and live in peace through this journey. It has been the same for me during this pandemic. I don’t really get worked up by all of this. Prepare and protect, yes. Worked up and worry, no. Why? See above!
This morning, our pastor spoke on this passage as God redirected his heart this week. What a perfect word to bring to a worried world.
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you than not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after (frantically seek) after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.” vv.28-32
Who does this sound like? The phrase “run after” actually means “frantically seek.” That is exactly what everyone has been doing! Frantically seeking all the things that they think they need to exist. BUT GOD! God knows what we need. He made us in the first place. The food and drink are pictures of necessity. The flowers of the field are a picture of how we look…even to the point of job promotion, getting into the right college, etc. He is quite aware of all of this. But what does He say next?
“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” vv. 33-34
It’s all about getting OUR priorities straight. Seek HIS kingdom, HIS righteousness, HIS people, HIS goals, HIS word…and He will make a way. There was a song back in the ‘90’s that we used to sing with the youth group that talked about Jesus being the Way Maker…He’ll make a way for you.
“When our situation is uncharted, WORRY prevents us from recognizing what’s really important.” Bobby Martin
“…do not worry about your life…but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matt. 6:25a/33
April 5, 2020
December 23, 2019
Christmas Memories
For some reason, this has been a rough Christmas season. I was late getting my shopping started. In fact, I’m not even done! We were late decorating. I don’t even have as much out as I normally do. All my normal organized planning has been skewed. We haven’t even watched our most beloved Christmas movies! And we’re not going to have any of our grandchildren this year…at least not on Christmas Eve or day. But Christmas is still coming…and with it the joy and memories of Christmas’ past, the love of family and friends, and most importantly the telling of and the rejoicing in the true meaning of Christmas…the gift of the Christ Child.
As I think back over all my life, what stands out to me as my fondest memories growing up and growing up my family, is just that…family. When I was little, we would go to my aunt and uncle’s for Christmas Eve for a fun party. I don’t remember a lot about those nights except for the homemade eggnog (two different bowls…one for kids, one for adults!), and the simple joy of being with family. One year as we were driving home, I “saw” Santa’s sleigh flying across the night sky and my folks said that he must be over on the south side of town and we needed to hurry and get home and in bed before he got to our side. ☺ Another year, as I leaned far to the end of my bed and peered into the living room, I was certain that I saw St. Nick putting the gifts under the tree. We had a party in my Mamie’s neighborhood every year where we got to sit in Santa’s lap. One year, I quietly recognized his watch. ☺ When I grew up, that same Santa photographed my wedding!
On Christmas morning, my ENTIRE family on mom’s side came to our house for breakfast…at 9:00am. My folks cooked scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits, milk gravy, and others brought sausage balls, and other breakfast yummies. There was usually 30-40 of us! Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins…. It was glorious! It was loud. It was Family. It was Christmas. The quiet time alone with my nuclear family was always nice, but that wasn’t what made Christmas. The time with my big, wonderful, all encompassing Family was where my memories came from.
When I got married as a very young girl, those memories compounded, as my new family was as rich in tradition as my birth family. Christmas Eve was then filled with Polish food and traditions that will forever warm my heart. My children’s Christmas’ were also filled with family traditions. We were busy. It was crazy. We drove a lot! But no one ever seemed to mind because Family was worth the effort. And the memories are endless.
Today, it seems as if Family has been replaced somewhat by convenience, distance, and the desire to do one’s own thing. Back in the day, families lived closer together or simply knew they would be traveling to be with everyone. Christmas was perhaps a bit simpler or maybe just a different mindset.
Christ left us with two commands…1) Love God with all your heart, soul, and mind. And 2) Love your neighbor as yourself. It all comes down to this. The first is pretty obvious. The second one we sometimes get hung up on. Who is our neighbor and how exactly do we love them? Our neighbor is family, friends, and folks we haven’t even met yet. And to love someone as you do yourself is to put them first…because we unfortunately have no problem putting ourselves first. So love God and put others first. Sounds so simple.
So in these last moments before Christmas, may you be able to slow down just a bit during your last minute baking and wrapping and focus on the Christ Child and what He grew up to accomplish for us all. And may you have the opportunity to spend time with those most precious to you, and keep making memories.
Merry Christmas!
As I think back over all my life, what stands out to me as my fondest memories growing up and growing up my family, is just that…family. When I was little, we would go to my aunt and uncle’s for Christmas Eve for a fun party. I don’t remember a lot about those nights except for the homemade eggnog (two different bowls…one for kids, one for adults!), and the simple joy of being with family. One year as we were driving home, I “saw” Santa’s sleigh flying across the night sky and my folks said that he must be over on the south side of town and we needed to hurry and get home and in bed before he got to our side. ☺ Another year, as I leaned far to the end of my bed and peered into the living room, I was certain that I saw St. Nick putting the gifts under the tree. We had a party in my Mamie’s neighborhood every year where we got to sit in Santa’s lap. One year, I quietly recognized his watch. ☺ When I grew up, that same Santa photographed my wedding!
On Christmas morning, my ENTIRE family on mom’s side came to our house for breakfast…at 9:00am. My folks cooked scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits, milk gravy, and others brought sausage balls, and other breakfast yummies. There was usually 30-40 of us! Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins…. It was glorious! It was loud. It was Family. It was Christmas. The quiet time alone with my nuclear family was always nice, but that wasn’t what made Christmas. The time with my big, wonderful, all encompassing Family was where my memories came from.
When I got married as a very young girl, those memories compounded, as my new family was as rich in tradition as my birth family. Christmas Eve was then filled with Polish food and traditions that will forever warm my heart. My children’s Christmas’ were also filled with family traditions. We were busy. It was crazy. We drove a lot! But no one ever seemed to mind because Family was worth the effort. And the memories are endless.
Today, it seems as if Family has been replaced somewhat by convenience, distance, and the desire to do one’s own thing. Back in the day, families lived closer together or simply knew they would be traveling to be with everyone. Christmas was perhaps a bit simpler or maybe just a different mindset.
Christ left us with two commands…1) Love God with all your heart, soul, and mind. And 2) Love your neighbor as yourself. It all comes down to this. The first is pretty obvious. The second one we sometimes get hung up on. Who is our neighbor and how exactly do we love them? Our neighbor is family, friends, and folks we haven’t even met yet. And to love someone as you do yourself is to put them first…because we unfortunately have no problem putting ourselves first. So love God and put others first. Sounds so simple.
So in these last moments before Christmas, may you be able to slow down just a bit during your last minute baking and wrapping and focus on the Christ Child and what He grew up to accomplish for us all. And may you have the opportunity to spend time with those most precious to you, and keep making memories.
Merry Christmas!
August 29, 2019
2019, August 29 – Are You Going to Die Today?
Today marks eight years since my leukemia diagnosis! The details of that day will be forever etched in my memory. But that’s not really what I wanted to talk about today. I’ve had this in my head and heart for some time but just haven’t taken the time to sit and write in down. I thought today would be a good day.
Other than my granddaughter, Dana, who is twelve, my other five grandchildren have no memory of me not having cancer. The only one that might have minimal recollection is Caleb, and he’s only nine. He was only one and a half when I was diagnosed. Ethan had just been born, and Jonah, Lily, and Elias were yet to be. So their whole lives have been accustomed to hearing that Tadee can’t do that or we can’t go see Tadee right now or Tadee isn’t strong enough to pick you up right now or playing peek-a-boo behind my mask. The first time we thought I was going to lose my hair, Dana and I played dress up with my wigs to help her feel more comfortable with the idea that “it’s just hair.” Every time I have gone into the hospital, the kids have come over for a special time together and a picture because I just don’t know when it’s going to be my time not to come home from the hospital.
But the thing that has gripped me the most is the innocent way they have embraced the reality of my situation. Especially Jonah. Last summer was really rough. I was in the hospital for almost six weeks, and it was pretty touch and go there for a while. It was scary to say the least. My grandchildren would FaceTime me, when I was able to, and it has been such a blessing over these years to still be able to communicate with them even when I wasn’t able to be with them in person due to my weakened immune system. But Jonah would always ask, whether on FaceTime or on the phone, “Tadee, are you going to die today?” And I would simply respond with a smile, “No. Not today, buddy.” And then he would ask the same thing the next time and the next. And my answer was always the same. No, not today, buddy.
Well, a year has passed and I am much more stable. Jonah hasn’t asked me that question in a while. But I know that it is only a matter of time that it will once again become part of my and their reality. Right now, Tadee can keep up a little better, not wear a mask except in the yard, and I can even pick a few of them up. I am thankful for every day God has gifted me. Eight years ago, we never expected that I would still be here. Hoped, prayed…yes. Expected…only with God. Now that I’ve gotten this far, our hope has expanded. But we still just take one day at a time.
And no, Jonah, I don’t think I’m going to die today. <3
Other than my granddaughter, Dana, who is twelve, my other five grandchildren have no memory of me not having cancer. The only one that might have minimal recollection is Caleb, and he’s only nine. He was only one and a half when I was diagnosed. Ethan had just been born, and Jonah, Lily, and Elias were yet to be. So their whole lives have been accustomed to hearing that Tadee can’t do that or we can’t go see Tadee right now or Tadee isn’t strong enough to pick you up right now or playing peek-a-boo behind my mask. The first time we thought I was going to lose my hair, Dana and I played dress up with my wigs to help her feel more comfortable with the idea that “it’s just hair.” Every time I have gone into the hospital, the kids have come over for a special time together and a picture because I just don’t know when it’s going to be my time not to come home from the hospital.
But the thing that has gripped me the most is the innocent way they have embraced the reality of my situation. Especially Jonah. Last summer was really rough. I was in the hospital for almost six weeks, and it was pretty touch and go there for a while. It was scary to say the least. My grandchildren would FaceTime me, when I was able to, and it has been such a blessing over these years to still be able to communicate with them even when I wasn’t able to be with them in person due to my weakened immune system. But Jonah would always ask, whether on FaceTime or on the phone, “Tadee, are you going to die today?” And I would simply respond with a smile, “No. Not today, buddy.” And then he would ask the same thing the next time and the next. And my answer was always the same. No, not today, buddy.
Well, a year has passed and I am much more stable. Jonah hasn’t asked me that question in a while. But I know that it is only a matter of time that it will once again become part of my and their reality. Right now, Tadee can keep up a little better, not wear a mask except in the yard, and I can even pick a few of them up. I am thankful for every day God has gifted me. Eight years ago, we never expected that I would still be here. Hoped, prayed…yes. Expected…only with God. Now that I’ve gotten this far, our hope has expanded. But we still just take one day at a time.
And no, Jonah, I don’t think I’m going to die today. <3
December 13, 2018
Navigating our Journey
Earlier this week, I met with my leukemia doctor to go over the various treatment protocols that he presented to me last month. Paul and I had narrowed them down to two, one Standard of Care and one Clinical Trial. Based on how my various “counts” had been heading, Dr. W. and we were all prepared to start treatment sooner than later. And as it turned out, the two we had chosen were on the top of his list as well, especially the trial. However, it isn’t open for 2-3 more months.
But as we took a look at my labs this week, we were surprised to see that they had backed up a bit in each of the areas of importance. Just enough to buy me a little more time and be considered “stable” for the moment. Nothing ever seems to stay that way for long, but the timing was helpful, as I cannot move forward with either of the leukemia treatments until my lungs are clear. The medicine that I am taking for the fungal infection in my lungs counteracts with the main ingredient in both protocols…Venetoclax. So until my lungs are clear and I can get off of Noxafil, the prayer is that this sudden stable reading in my counts might hold strong.
While we were researching the various treatment plans, a sentence seemed to scream out and remind me of the reality of my disease.
“Relapsed or refractory chronic lymphocytic leukemia remains
incurable, despite advances in treatment over the past 5 years.”
Well, that about wraps it up! It went on to say that we (I) have increasingly developed resistance to therapies. (ie…a stem cell transplant that wore off, 2 DLI’s that didn’t work, 2 CAR T-Cells that didn’t work….) “Hence, additional treatments that have alternative mechanisms of action that are effective and have an acceptable side-effect profile are needed.” Thus, the introduction of a variety of monotherapies and targeted therapies. I realize that this is usually where I lose some of you, but many want to know the details.
The Standard of Care option is Venetoclax plus Rituximab. It is showing a 85% 2-year progression-free survival rate, with 17p del patients at 81.5%. Not bad!
The Clinical Trial option is Acalabrutinib/Venetoclax/Obinutuzumab. This is the one that Dr. W. is leaning toward but doesn’t open for a couple months. If my lungs take that long to clear, it might end up being the best option. Acalabrutinib is a newer version of Ibrutinib with supposedly fewer side effects, at least from what has been documented so far. The cool thing about this one is that after it has cycled, the A/V portion can be restarted again if necessary. That is not the case in most trials.
Both options have an extensive list of side effects such as neutropenia, low counts, nausea, diarrhea, rash…all the regular stuff. But I’ve been there, done that, have the t-shirt. The goal is to be here next Christmas and hopefully the one after that! My brother wants me to dance at his 50th wedding anniversary!! I’ll be happy to make our 10th then prayerfully our 15th!!! I am already defying the odds of my disease. I would really like to just blow this whole thing out of the water!! ☺ Only God!
My infectious disease doctor is doing another CT of my lungs on January 2 to check the status of the fungal infection. The problem is that they have no idea what it actually is or how I got it. I/we have been so incredibly careful and protective of where I go and what I do and I STILL got it! :/
So with joy and peace for each day, we will journey on, step by step. I wish each of you the Gift of knowing the One who is the giver of that joy and peace at Christmas and throughout the year.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Romans 15:13
But as we took a look at my labs this week, we were surprised to see that they had backed up a bit in each of the areas of importance. Just enough to buy me a little more time and be considered “stable” for the moment. Nothing ever seems to stay that way for long, but the timing was helpful, as I cannot move forward with either of the leukemia treatments until my lungs are clear. The medicine that I am taking for the fungal infection in my lungs counteracts with the main ingredient in both protocols…Venetoclax. So until my lungs are clear and I can get off of Noxafil, the prayer is that this sudden stable reading in my counts might hold strong.
While we were researching the various treatment plans, a sentence seemed to scream out and remind me of the reality of my disease.
“Relapsed or refractory chronic lymphocytic leukemia remains
incurable, despite advances in treatment over the past 5 years.”
Well, that about wraps it up! It went on to say that we (I) have increasingly developed resistance to therapies. (ie…a stem cell transplant that wore off, 2 DLI’s that didn’t work, 2 CAR T-Cells that didn’t work….) “Hence, additional treatments that have alternative mechanisms of action that are effective and have an acceptable side-effect profile are needed.” Thus, the introduction of a variety of monotherapies and targeted therapies. I realize that this is usually where I lose some of you, but many want to know the details.
The Standard of Care option is Venetoclax plus Rituximab. It is showing a 85% 2-year progression-free survival rate, with 17p del patients at 81.5%. Not bad!
The Clinical Trial option is Acalabrutinib/Venetoclax/Obinutuzumab. This is the one that Dr. W. is leaning toward but doesn’t open for a couple months. If my lungs take that long to clear, it might end up being the best option. Acalabrutinib is a newer version of Ibrutinib with supposedly fewer side effects, at least from what has been documented so far. The cool thing about this one is that after it has cycled, the A/V portion can be restarted again if necessary. That is not the case in most trials.
Both options have an extensive list of side effects such as neutropenia, low counts, nausea, diarrhea, rash…all the regular stuff. But I’ve been there, done that, have the t-shirt. The goal is to be here next Christmas and hopefully the one after that! My brother wants me to dance at his 50th wedding anniversary!! I’ll be happy to make our 10th then prayerfully our 15th!!! I am already defying the odds of my disease. I would really like to just blow this whole thing out of the water!! ☺ Only God!
My infectious disease doctor is doing another CT of my lungs on January 2 to check the status of the fungal infection. The problem is that they have no idea what it actually is or how I got it. I/we have been so incredibly careful and protective of where I go and what I do and I STILL got it! :/
So with joy and peace for each day, we will journey on, step by step. I wish each of you the Gift of knowing the One who is the giver of that joy and peace at Christmas and throughout the year.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Romans 15:13
October 15, 2018
When Saints Pray
(I wrote this while still in the hospital. I’m just now getting to publish it.)
The night after seeing our blessed news of “No Richters,” I laid in bed and thought about all the folks who had been praying for me and then imagined what that must have looked and sounded like in heaven.
I could hear a choir of voices rising together, some in unison, some in harmony, echoing through the Throne Room of God. A choir of voices that could not be missed or dismissed. Beautiful yet determined; hopeful yet believing, confident yet respectful. This song of prayer being sung from the hearts of my loved ones, near and far. Your song touched the Heart of God and saved my life! Do you truly understand the power of corporate prayer?
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.”
1 John 5:14
“Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”
Jeremiah 29:12
“And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick,
and the Lord will raise him up.”
James 5:15
“Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask,
it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.”
Matthew 18:19
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6
“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16
“In my distress I called to the Lord;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.”
Psalm 18:6
“And I will do whatever you ask in my name,
so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.”
John 14:13
Thank you for praying me back.
The night after seeing our blessed news of “No Richters,” I laid in bed and thought about all the folks who had been praying for me and then imagined what that must have looked and sounded like in heaven.
I could hear a choir of voices rising together, some in unison, some in harmony, echoing through the Throne Room of God. A choir of voices that could not be missed or dismissed. Beautiful yet determined; hopeful yet believing, confident yet respectful. This song of prayer being sung from the hearts of my loved ones, near and far. Your song touched the Heart of God and saved my life! Do you truly understand the power of corporate prayer?
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.”
1 John 5:14
“Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”
Jeremiah 29:12
“And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick,
and the Lord will raise him up.”
James 5:15
“Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask,
it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.”
Matthew 18:19
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6
“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16
“In my distress I called to the Lord;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.”
Psalm 18:6
“And I will do whatever you ask in my name,
so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.”
John 14:13
Thank you for praying me back.
September 4, 2018
I’m the Happiest Girl in the Whole USA
“Shine on me sunshine
Walk with me world, it's a skippidy doo da day
I'm the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.
Good morning, mornin', hello sunshine
Wake up, sleepy head
Why'd you move that bojangle clock
So far away from the bed?
Just one more minute that's why we moved it
One more hug or two
Do you love wakin' up next to me
As much as I love wakin' up next to you?
You make the coffee, I'll make the bed
I'll fix your lunch, and you'll fix mine!
Now tell me the truth do these old shoes look funny?
Honey, it's almost nine
Now you be careful, got to go
"I love you, have a beautiful day!"
And kiss the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.
Skippidy doo da thank you Lord for makin' him for me
And thank you for letting life turn out the way
That I always thought it could be
There once was a time, that I could not imagine
How it would feel to say
I'm the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.
Now shine on me sunshine
Walk with me world, it's a skippidy doo da day
I'm the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.”
…Donna Fargo
Besides my favorite hymns, I cannot get this song out of my head. It might seem unusual given my current circumstances, but I just keep getting happier and happier. I am reminded of a sweet man from our church that passed away a few years ago from cancer. A few months before he went home to be with the Lord, he woke up one morning exclaiming that JOY had descended upon him! And he experienced and exuded complete joy and happiness for the rest of his days. He was a total delight. Of course, he always was…but God gave him an extra measure.
That is how I feel. Every experience is wonderful. From my morning cup of coffee to the mid-night cuddle with my sweetheart when I can’t sleep. The upset nerve endings on my scalp are a bit much, but other than that everything is coming up roses!
When I posted that I was unable to drive for the time being, several friends lovingly offered up their services. I am humbled and grateful. Needs are being met one by one. God is good…all the time. One just has to ask, and sometimes look for it.
I am so incredibly thankful for the relationship I have with my husband and with our kids. It has not always been easy, but I can say with all assurance that it is worth it. I am thankful for where we are, how far we’ve come, and who we are becoming as a family.
We sorted through tons of paperwork this weekend looking for certain things, tossing and filing others. It was very cleansing. In the process, we found the research paperwork from when I was first diagnosed. That was not something we could throw away. It held too much history for us. But as we read through many of our highlighted excerpts, we realized again that I am a miraculous anomaly. Only God could have gotten me this far. And yet we continue to ask expectantly, thankfully, for more years, more time, more joy.
But no matter what the outcome, today is beautiful. My life is full. My family and friends are amazing. And I am the happiest girl in the whole USA.
Walk with me world, it's a skippidy doo da day
I'm the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.
Good morning, mornin', hello sunshine
Wake up, sleepy head
Why'd you move that bojangle clock
So far away from the bed?
Just one more minute that's why we moved it
One more hug or two
Do you love wakin' up next to me
As much as I love wakin' up next to you?
You make the coffee, I'll make the bed
I'll fix your lunch, and you'll fix mine!
Now tell me the truth do these old shoes look funny?
Honey, it's almost nine
Now you be careful, got to go
"I love you, have a beautiful day!"
And kiss the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.
Skippidy doo da thank you Lord for makin' him for me
And thank you for letting life turn out the way
That I always thought it could be
There once was a time, that I could not imagine
How it would feel to say
I'm the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.
Now shine on me sunshine
Walk with me world, it's a skippidy doo da day
I'm the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.”
…Donna Fargo
Besides my favorite hymns, I cannot get this song out of my head. It might seem unusual given my current circumstances, but I just keep getting happier and happier. I am reminded of a sweet man from our church that passed away a few years ago from cancer. A few months before he went home to be with the Lord, he woke up one morning exclaiming that JOY had descended upon him! And he experienced and exuded complete joy and happiness for the rest of his days. He was a total delight. Of course, he always was…but God gave him an extra measure.
That is how I feel. Every experience is wonderful. From my morning cup of coffee to the mid-night cuddle with my sweetheart when I can’t sleep. The upset nerve endings on my scalp are a bit much, but other than that everything is coming up roses!
When I posted that I was unable to drive for the time being, several friends lovingly offered up their services. I am humbled and grateful. Needs are being met one by one. God is good…all the time. One just has to ask, and sometimes look for it.
I am so incredibly thankful for the relationship I have with my husband and with our kids. It has not always been easy, but I can say with all assurance that it is worth it. I am thankful for where we are, how far we’ve come, and who we are becoming as a family.
We sorted through tons of paperwork this weekend looking for certain things, tossing and filing others. It was very cleansing. In the process, we found the research paperwork from when I was first diagnosed. That was not something we could throw away. It held too much history for us. But as we read through many of our highlighted excerpts, we realized again that I am a miraculous anomaly. Only God could have gotten me this far. And yet we continue to ask expectantly, thankfully, for more years, more time, more joy.
But no matter what the outcome, today is beautiful. My life is full. My family and friends are amazing. And I am the happiest girl in the whole USA.
August 29, 2018
Seven Years and Counting!
Today marks seven years since that fateful day in 2011 when my future was forever changed, or at least revealed. Cancer does that to you. Whether you are a survivor, an ongoing fighter, a caregiver, or the family left behind, you will never be the same. While this was not a shock to God, it most certainly was to us! I will never forget one minute of that day. I can still envision the moments in the waiting room, the doctor’s words/voice/tone, his simple “I’m so sorry…,” the stack of papers that I left with, my call to my mom/to Paul, pouring over those papers with him at a Chinese buffet, and sitting at this very computer a hour later when he walked through the door announcing that THIS is where he needed to be. That was when it hit me. I had cancer.
Fast forward seven years, one stem cell transplant, two CAR T-Cell trials, two donor lymphocyte infusions, one parathyroidectomy, one knee replacement, a jillion trips to MDA, and a partridge in a pear tree later and I still have cancer with all the trimmings. But I’m still here!!! I have outlived a business partner and a dear church friend. Survival guilt is a real thing. Many of you may wonder why I push myself the way I do to see my friends and family. It’s simple. I really have no idea how long I have left. None of us do, to be honest. Maybe a year. Maybe ten. All our days are numbered. I simply choose to make mine count as much as possible. No worries. No fussing. Just love of God, family, friends, and this beautiful world He has given us. It’s really pretty simple.
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:36-40
“Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad;
let the sea resound, and all that is in it.
Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them;
let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.”
Psalm 96:11-12
Life is good. And I am thankful.
Fast forward seven years, one stem cell transplant, two CAR T-Cell trials, two donor lymphocyte infusions, one parathyroidectomy, one knee replacement, a jillion trips to MDA, and a partridge in a pear tree later and I still have cancer with all the trimmings. But I’m still here!!! I have outlived a business partner and a dear church friend. Survival guilt is a real thing. Many of you may wonder why I push myself the way I do to see my friends and family. It’s simple. I really have no idea how long I have left. None of us do, to be honest. Maybe a year. Maybe ten. All our days are numbered. I simply choose to make mine count as much as possible. No worries. No fussing. Just love of God, family, friends, and this beautiful world He has given us. It’s really pretty simple.
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:36-40
“Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad;
let the sea resound, and all that is in it.
Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them;
let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.”
Psalm 96:11-12
Life is good. And I am thankful.
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