Short Term Pain for Long Term Gain!

A few posts ago, I mentioned that I have so much to live for!  We all do.  But it’s often not until you understand the true frailty of life that you embrace the people and things that you hold so dear. 

I began my Campath treatments this week.  Paul and I both commented how incredibly surreal it was to finally be here.  In one sense, it’s only been a few months.  In other ways, it’s already seemed like a lifetime. 

The first three days are what is called the ramp-up doses.  The first is 3mg, the second 10, and the third and remaining injections will be 30mg.  They have given me Benedryl and saline via IV (and left a catheter in my hand so they wouldn’t have to find a vein everyday) and, as of today, a shot of Campath in each arm.  Tomorrow it’s my leg.  They will rotate around my limbs for each shot.  Yesterday’s shot didn’t really hurt until this morning.   Then it felt like I’d had a tetanus shot.  You know how those ache.  She said that today’s would be worse because of the increased dosage.  When we got home both days, I only had the energy to sip down some soup and crackers and crawl into bed.  About this time yesterday, I started feeling woozy and nauseated.  So far so good today.  They gave me anti-nausea pills, but I didn’t take one yesterday because I didn’t want to use them until I really needed them.  I don’t want to act like a baby.  Today, my nurse fussed at me and said to stop being so brave and take the pill!  :)  I will next time. 

Next week, I will take my Benedryl and Tylenol at home and then go in for just my injection M/W/F.  It will be a faster process.  They will check my numbers at least once or twice a week to see how the drug is working and to make sure I don’t need a transfusion.  The main side effect that they are concerned about is infection.  My blood counts will be very low very soon making my immune system very vulnerable.  Another side effect that I’ve already noticed is a light tickle/itching sensation.  It doesn’t hurt, but it kept me from sleeping last night.  More Benedryl.

We won’t know until we go to MD Anderson on March 26 and 28 for a bone marrow biopsy and meetings with both the Leukemia and Transplant teams whether or not I will have a second round of Campath.  If so, it’s four more weeks.  If not, it’s three weeks off and then into the hospital for the transplant.  Even though Paul and I both know that the transplant is inevitable, we both secretly have hoped for two rounds of Campath just to have a little more time to mentally and emotionally prepare for the transplant.  But either way, it’s coming soon to a theater near you.  :)

All of this is the pain part.  Shots are uncomfortable, IV’s are no fun, side effects of cancer drugs are scary, and the transplant itself has too many possible side effects to think about right now.  We will walk through that together when the time comes.

The important thing to focus on is the “gain” part.  So many folks have said that a good attitude is critical for healing.  When you think about it, what choice does one have?  I could be grumpy and mad about the whole thing, but that would only make me, and everyone around me, miserable.  Or I can embrace this season, walk through it with dignity and a smile, believing that God has a purpose in this and looking every day for the simple blessings of love, life, family and friends. 

This past weekend, we traveled back up to our little piece of heaven in Oletha, TX.  We were not sure whether or not we would be allowed to be two hours away from my doctors and hospital during the Campath stretch.  We know that we can’t once we start the transplant process.  It will be a long time before I can be that far from MD Anderson.  :/  (More pain.) 

So we walked and talked, fished and photographed, enjoyed the cool evenings in front of a roaring fire, and breathed in the beauty of God’s creation.  It’s so peaceful there.  When the time comes that God calls us home, that is where these old bodies will rest.  But we’re not planning on that being anytime soon!  There is still so much to live for.  

I am married to the dearest, sweetest man in the world.  I have amazing children and three grandchildren who have captured my heart.  I have a mother who would give her life for me, a brother who in all his antics loves his little sister, and countless more family and friends who I hold so dear.  God has given us a church body who has embraced us and a pastor who shares his heart, his vulnerability, and his love for our God and His people.  I have a business partner with plans for the future.  (He is a cancer fighter/survivor too.)  We have children yet to marry, grandchildren yet to be born, all of who need to experience the love and memories yet to come. 

These are just part of the gain.  Every day reveals more of His goodness and the gifts of life.  We can complain about the pain in the world or we can spend our time touching the hurt around us.  God gives us all a circle of influence.  Only we can choose what we do with it. 

So for now, I will take my shots and various medications, I will deal with the side effects, I will walk through this valley, I will fight for life.  There is still so much to do, to see, to be, to give.  I will thank God for His nearness and His grace.  I will consider each day a gift.  I will cherish every moment with the ones I love.

The pain is so minimal in light of the gain.

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,

that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. 

Psalm 90:12,14