Something New

The year my son, Joshua, was a senior in high school was filled with many emotions.  Every special event or activity was marked with my tears as I thought of his last game, last concert, last musical, last play, last dance.  I wasn’t particularly sad, just reminiscent.  It was the end of his childhood.  It was the beginning of something very new.

Since receiving the news that we will soon be moving forward with my treatment and transplant, recent events and activities have ushered in many of the same emotions.  While this is not the end, Lord willing, it is the end of life as it has been.  It will be the beginning of what is called my “new normal.”

This weekend, Paul whisked me away for one last getaway before treatments start.  It will be a while before we can be that far away from MD Anderson again.  Walking together through shops, splitting a Reuben, discovering new wineries, visiting old memories, enjoying the scenery, and even catching the rare sight of falling snow all mingled together into new memories to cherish. 

 

Next weekend, the children and grandchildren are coming for lunch and the afternoon.  While the agenda includes making sure that they all completely understand what is ahead, for me it will be the joy of my kids all in one place, the beautiful noise of voices and laughter, the sheer delight of watching my grandbabies. 

Tears come.  Happy tears.  I’m-going-to-miss-this tears.  Fear tears.  Thankful tears.

While I know there will be some very unpleasant side effects, the toughest one for me will be being apart from the ones I love.  My focus has to be on the fact that giving up this year will prayerfully buy back many more in the future. 

More trips to the country, more giggles with grandbabies, more family meals complete with its beautiful noise, more glasses of wine, more conversations, more opportunities, more to learn, more to experience, more hugs and kisses, more time with the ones I love. 

This is not the end.  It’s the beginning of something new.